Walls of Ash Read online

  Baron Eckhardt sat on Celia’s other side along with his wife, but he was quiet and said little to me. Mrs. Eckhardt was chillingly silent through the entire meal. Mr. Eckhardt spoke more to my Uncle who was at the head of the table on Mrs. Eckhardt’s other side. My Aunt sat opposite my Uncle, and this left Julian sitting between Aunt Emmaline and Eckhardt which I was certain made for a dull evening. I giggled at one point when he gave me a look of desperation after a lengthy conversation with my Aunt about the weather. He was lucky to not be stuck talking to Doctor Haskins about his remedies for his wife’s ailments.

  Once we all finished the meal, my Uncle asked that we go to the Long Hall.

  “Our Tamsin seems to have a talent for music, and I’m certain she would be happy to entertain you all.”

  Uncle Charles smiled at me, and I turned red because I had never played for anyone but my Aunt and Uncle, and Hilda... and the portraits, of course. Everyone stood, and Julian rushed to my side, taking my arm and escorting me with his nose in the air, a mischievous imitation of Eckhardt, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Dear God, the incessant rambling during that dinner. How do you put up with it all day long?” He was referring to Aunt Emmaline and as right as he was, she was still my Aunt. I scowled at him.

  “Apologies! I see that you are loyal to your Aunt. What do you think of that Eckhardt? Quite the bore, don’t you agree?”

  “I would not know, I did not have the opportunity to speak with him for as long as I wanted to,” I said.

  “You are still giving me the cold shoulder, then?” he asked.

  “You have made it difficult for me to do otherwise,” I said as we arrived to the Long Hall. I was finally able to get away from him.

  Celia played a tune on the spinnet first, which lightened the mood and made me less apprehensive about playing for everyone. Sitting on the velvet bench, my mother and father’s portrait was looking right down on me as I began to play. I became calm again, forgetting that there was anyone else in the room. The Telemann piece was finished before I knew it and there was applause. I looked up at the portrait of my mother and father before giving a curtsy to my audience.

  Aunt Emmaline stumbled through a piece and then Celia played again before we parted ways with the gentlemen to go to the drawing room.

  I never understood the tradition of separating the men from the women after dinner, but I was relieved to be alone with the ladies. When we arrived in the drawing room, Mrs. Eckhardt had just barely sat down when she stood back up.

  “It was such a long ride from London and I’m quite exhausted. I do hope you will all excuse me?” Mrs. Eckhardt seemed uncomfortable surrounded by people she hardly knew and perhaps it was more the reason she decided to end her evening then.

  “Of course not!” Aunt Emmaline stood and walked with her to the door.

  “These halls can be difficult to navigate this time of night. Shall I call for a maid to take you to your room?” I asked. Mrs. Eckhardt looked behind her into the dimly lit hallway and when she turned back with a timid expression and a brief nod, I rang the bell for the maid. The wait for Franny took some time, but it may have felt longer for Mrs. Eckhardt offered little conversation. She seemed very happy when she was guided from the room by the rather flamboyant maid.

  When we were alone, Celia and my Aunt decided I would be chaperoned by Lady Hilbourne on my journey to Germany. Not only would it be helpful to my Aunt, who had many engagements in London during the time of my travel, but Celia had plans to visit her mother around that month.

  Celia told us that she would be leaving the following afternoon to meet her son, Leo, in the village. He would be arriving by carriage from London.

  “He has not been back since the war and what kind of mother would I be if I did not go to greet him? I do have the morning and I was hoping that you might ride with me around the Rhineholt grounds before we depart?” she asked me. I looked at Aunt Emmaline and she nodded her approval.

  When Hilda took me riding, she would fall far behind me, so it would feel as though I had a little time to myself, but it was not the same freedom as when I played songs in the Long Hall. Uncle Charles gave me a docile white mare called Truffle for Christmas the same year that he got Aunt Emmaline a beautiful golden horse called Perseus. My Aunt was once thrown from her horse, and it was thought to be the reason she was barren. It took her a year to fully heal from the accident. When my Uncle gave her the horse as a gift, she refused to ride him. Before long, my riding skill was far better than my governess’s, so I began to exercise Perseus while Hilda took Truffle. Since I was a better horsewoman, Hilda happily rode the sweet, fat creature whose mane was always in her eyes.

  In my room, after the guests had retired, I began to unbutton the gown and take down my hair when there was a knock at the door and my Aunt entered. She took over letting down my hair before saying anything to me. When she had brushed and braided it all into one long tail, she sat down on the bed.

  “Dear, what did you think of Mr. Eckhardt?” she asked. I was not sure how to answer the question. I spent so little time with him that evening and was not sure what I was supposed to be judging him on.

  “He seemed awfully dull,” I said and she sighed at my response.

  “The Eckhardts are well known in Germany. They have a large estate and there is, of course, the title...” she said. I was still not certain what she was getting at.

  “You will be old enough to marry on your return from Germany and there will be the season in London. I’m sure that Mr. Eckhardt will plan to attend some of our balls at the London house.” The realization swept over me that she was already trying to marry me off. She was strapping me into a wedding dress and pushing me toward the altar.

  “I am tired,” I said as I stood up, hoping she would take the hint.

  “Of course, dear. Do not sleep too late, you’ll miss your ride with Lady Hilbourne. She would be disappointed.” She stood in the doorway and I nodded.

  Lying in bed, I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time until I drifted off to sleep, forgetting to blow out my candle. My dreams were of my Mother that night. She was brushing my hair beneath a tree with white blossoms all over it. She kissed the palm of my hand and the blossoms began to fall from the branches above. I woke up to the sound of footsteps in the hallway and a faint light flickering beneath the door. My own candle had gone out on its own. There were voices whispering in German near my room. One was a man's voice that I could not place and the other was Hilda’s. Then there was a clicking sound, like a key turning. I crept slowly to the door and clasped the handle. It was locked. Why was Hilda locking me into my room? I could unlock it and open it from my side, so she was trying to keep someone out. All the men who were guests at Rhineholt that night spoke German. So who was that man in the hall?

  I tiptoed back to the bed and got under the covers again, but it was a sleepless night.

  Chapter 2

  I was out of bed early after weaving in and out of sleep. Giving up on any kind of rest, I got up and put on a lilac colored morning dress with tiny embroidered flowers on the puffed sleeves and skirt. I tried to make something presentable of my hair but it was of no use, so I swept part of it to the back of my head and held it in place with a pearled comb leaving half of my hair down. I sighed as I looked in the mirror and thought, “Well, I may not be up to Aunt Emmaline’s standards, but it will have to do for now.” With that, I went downstairs.

  It was earlier than I realized and Bernadine barely had breakfast set out on the side board. Buffet style, as it always was when there were guests. She took one look at me and shook her head.

  "Miss, when yer Aunt sees you, ye'll be in a heap of trouble." It did not stop her from giggling. I could see that she found it amusing that I did not bother to put my hair up, as that was the current fashion. It seemed that Bernadine was not quite ready for me to grow up.

  Sitting down with my breakfast, I sighed when Julian came into the conservatory, filled
his plate, and took a seat next to me.

  "So, my mother tells me that you'll be accompanying us to Germany?" he asked. I was dismayed at the prospect of being stuck with him for that long.

  "You're coming, too?" I asked without disguising my chagrin.

  "Don't sound so delighted!" he shot back, "I have business in Hamburg before I return to India."

  I did not care for his presence, but I was surprised that he would be returning to India so quickly after his arrival home. I had heard what a long journey India could be from England. After all the stops at ports for supplies and trading, it could be five months.

  "Don't be sad, my dear. I know you are heartbroken, but you will be away at school and won't even miss my teasing you," he said in a mock comforting tone. The corner of his lips turned upward, and I couldn't help smiling with a raised eyebrow.

  "Do you really think I'd miss someone so uncivilized?" I asked defiantly, remembering our conversation the night before.

  He laughed and then grabbed my hand. He was suddenly far too serious for my liking, and looked me straight in the eyes.

  "I might miss you, now that I've seen you again, all grown up." I snatched my hand back, revolted, and we spoke little as we ate. Julian made several attempts at conversation, but I ignored them.

  We finished our breakfast before anyone else even came in. My Uncle arrived just as I was getting up to leave, with Aunt Emmaline a moment behind him. She assessed my appearance and said nothing, but gave me a look that made me shiver that also made me laugh a little inside.

  "Tamsin, I have asked Gerard to ready the horses for you and Lady Hilbourne," Aunt Emmaline said.

  I knew that Hilda did not care to try to keep track of me on horseback since I got far ahead in almost no time, while she flopped around on the back of old Truffle. I smiled at the thought of a riding companion keeping up with me, for once.

  "I think I'll join you!" Julian chimed in and my mood sank.

  I couldn’t get rid of him. I greeted the Eckhardts half heartedly as they entered the conservatory. Celia swept into the room after them, like a breath of fresh air, kissed me on the cheek, and began to lightly fill a plate. I gave a hard look to Julian again. He got up, excusing himself, and shrugged at me as he left the room.

  I headed upstairs to change into my riding habit. I was about to round the corner into the hall where the stairs began when I heard our maid, Franny, giggling. Quietly, I leaned slightly around the archway and saw Franny with her back to me and Julian with his hand on her arm. The touch seemed remarkably familiar and Franny’s giggle and flattering pink cheeks seemed to be encouraging Julian. His hand moved to her waist to pull her close, and then I quickly stepped out and coughed.

  They jumped back from each other, and Franny’s cheeks reddened even more.

  "I'm sorry miss, we did not see you--"

  "Franny was just reminding me where my room was, I get lost in these big old houses..." I stormed past them and up the stairs to my room.

  Why was I so angry at him? He had no attachment to me, especially considering that I despised him so openly. I would be glad to see him leave Rhineholt.

  * * *

  When I met Celia in the stable, she was dressed in a dark red riding habit with a matching hat. It was notably becoming with her dark hair and eyes. My habit was a terribly plain gray, but it made me look older. Julian led a large, dark horse, which I did not recognize, from the stable. He must have noticed the look on my face.

  "Not to worry, I am only riding with you until you get to the end of the property, then you ladies are on your own. I have to go into town to see if Leo’s arrived, so you shan’t see me anymore. A change that I believe will make you happy,” Julian said. Even after I climbed onto Perseus, who was certainly large for a young girl, Julian towered over me. Celia was on my Uncle's horse, Maximilian, a beauty, taller than Perseus and white all over.

  "Shall we?" she asked, and we all flicked our horses into motion.

  Celia told me about her own season in London, about the gowns, gloves and balls and I began to wonder if I'd enjoy something like that.

  Julian said, "I'm sure that our little Tamsin will have all the dresses and suitors she can handle. There is a shortage of red hair in London, I hear." I blushed.

  The thought of having to someday dance with him at my coming out ball nauseated me. He seemed to like the fact that I so obviously had a special sort of dislike for him.

  As we approached the spot where Julian would part from us, we pulled up for a moment, and Julian's hand went up to signal us to stop.

  "What is it?" Celia asked, and before Julian could answer, a deer leapt out before us and darted across the road. All the horses spooked, and Perseus took off, darting into the thickness of the woods. It was not at all like him. I pulled back on the reins trying to stop him, but also holding on for my life. I turned my head for a moment, calling back to Celia. I could not see her or Julian behind me, but I heard Julian's voice.

  He was yelling to me, "Pull the reins tight! Pull them!" I pulled, but to no avail. Tears were on my cheeks and I could no longer hear the voices of my companions. I began to panic.

  I tried my best to stop the horse, pleading with him. Perseus had taken me to a part of the woods I was not familiar with. He just kept going, farther and farther, deeper into the woods. Just when I realized we were coming out of the woods, finally, it became clear to me that we were headed straight for a cliff.

  "Please Perseus! Please stop!" I cried, tears stinging my eyes.

  He reared back, standing straight up on his hind legs. I was barely able to hold on, and just as he came back down, the reins snapped, and I slid from the saddle landing on my back. A moment longer and I might have landed on one of the rocks far below. Perseus scrambled at the edge of the cliff and a loud cracking noise echoed. He fell sideways and I shrieked. He landed a short distance from my knees. Any closer and I would've been crushed. Any closer to the edge and we’d have both gone over.

  The horse let out a gut-wrenching noise, and I realized that his leg was broken. I tried to get up to move toward Perseus, to offer some kind of comfort, but I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. There was a large wound on my leg that had already spilled enough blood to turn an expanding area of my skirt wet. I heard one last grunt from Perseus as I fell backward into blackness.

  There was a loud, high pitched hum and everything went yellow. A figure, a silhouette, loomed up before me. My mother. Her hair was down and blew all around her face and shoulders, her arms stretched out to me. She said my name and pulled me toward her. I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in, she smelled of spring flowers. There was no pain in my leg anymore. She held me out at arm’s length, and then took my right hand trying to walk with me. Something was holding me back. She kept moving away from me until I knew that I’d have to let go. I screamed for her, weeping, our arms stretched out toward one another. She kissed the palm of my hand before it went dark.

  Opening my eyes, the sun hung directly overhead. I knew I had lain there for a long time. I heard my name being called nearby, but I could not speak. Slowly lifting myself up onto my elbows, I saw that my clothes were drenched. It was now impossible to tell if it was the horses blood, or my own, that darkened my skirt. My lips were dry and I longed for water, anything to cool my throat. A moment later, my eye lids felt so heavy, and I was alone in blackness again.

  At some point, I recall hearing a loud, thunderous noise, but I could not be sure if I imagined it, or not.

  When I opened my eyes again, I could see the ground, though it was growing dark. Everything was blurry. My eyes adjusted to dirt, moss, roots and trees moving by, and I realized that I was being carried on a horse. There was a man walking along side, his back to me, holding the reins. His hair was longer than was fashionable and lightly colored. He wore a soldier’s uniform.

  "Who are you?" I asked, and my voice seemed quiet. He did not answer.

  "Please, where are you taking me?" Again, my quest
ion was ignored.

  "Who are you?" I asked again, and I was overcome with the pain in my leg and cried out. The man did not turn or acknowledge my speaking to him or the anguish in my voice. I slipped into darkness again.

  Chapter 3

  There was a bright, piercing light that stung my eyes. I was in a room I did not recognize and in a small bed with blankets to my chin. My body felt limp and it hurt to move the blankets away. There was a wrap around my leg. I remembered the dream of my mother kissing my hand and holding me. I felt such a pang of sadness at how real that vision was. I felt lost and gravely alone, but I was also overcome with anxiety. I did not know where I was or who the man was that had carried me away on his horse.

  It only took me a moment to decide to get out of bed. I moved my feet and pain shot up my leg. There wasn't a chance I'd be able to walk on it. This made me more nervous. Looking around me, the room was small, decorated with pinks and yellows, and I could only see a bush and flowers through the open window. There was a closed door and there was no telling what might be on the other side. I thought how worried my Aunt and Uncle must have been. At that moment there was a knock at the door, and I slumped back down into the pillows as a large old woman came in with a tray.

  "Oh, me dear! Ye’r awake, finally! Yeh came to me in such a sort, I weren't sure when ye'd come to! Yeh were ramblin' such nonsense, child!" She spoke with a thick and dramatic Cornish accent.

  "Where am I? Why have I been brought here?" I asked a little more harshly than I meant to. She scowled at me.

  "Well, ain't that the way to treat the hand that brings yeh food! Ne’er yeh mind, wee one, I see yer distraught at bein' in unknown territ’ry. Young Leo brung yeh to me late last night and me in me night dress!" she said with a big booming laugh that shook her large bosom.